Hege Storhaug, HRS
Neste år taues en mann for domstolen i Danmark fordi han på en slurvete måte i en langt på vi privat samtale påpekte det samme som jeg har påpekt i flere år: at forekomsten av seksuelt misbruk innad i muslimske storfamilier er utbredt. Mannen heter Lars Hedegaard og er leder av Trykkefrihdsselskabet. Jeg spurte selv Hedegaard forrige lørdag i København hva han tror utfallet av saken blir. Han er ikke i tvil om at han blir dømt for uttalelsene. Man er altså ikke opptatt av dokumentasjon eller sannhetsgehalt, men at ”noen” kan ha følt uttalelsene som krenkende.
Mens vi venter på at forskere ser seg kallet til å prøve å kartlegge forekomsten av seksuelt misbruk av barn født i muslimske familier, er det verdt å lytte til stemmer i Nederland og Danmark. Fire kvinner i Nederland forteller at de tiet om overgrep i redsel for å skade familiens omdømme, men også fordi de ble truet til taushet av overgriperen.
Four Dutch-Moroccan women, Rabea, Zohra, Ibtisam and Saïda, were all sexually abused by members of their families: their fathers, uncles, brothers or cousins.
After years of silence, they have decided to speak out because they know that many other Muslim women suffer the same fate. A care worker: “Taboos, secrecy, silence, shame and a closed community are almost a recipe for sexual abuse.”
The idea of ‘family honour’ meant that Rabea, Zohra, Ibtisam and Saïda kept their mouths shut. Now they are telling their stories to try and break the taboo surrounding sexual abuse in Muslim families. They no longer see themselves as victims. Their mission is to help other women who are in trouble now.
Misbruket startet da kvinnen var småbarn. Nå som voksne opplever de det som utenkelig å anmelde overgrepene.
Their stories are individual but share much common ground. They were all around four or five when someone in their family started abusing them. The girls all kept silent because of threats, but also for fear of bringing ‘dishonour’ on the family. They didn’t even consider going to the police. Even now, they think that would be going too far.
Rabea was abused as a little girl by her father. She became caught up in herself and grew defiant.
“It’s so unnatural. If you’re beaten up at school or on the street, you go to your parents or your teacher. But this is your father. That goes against everything you believe in. I didn’t know how to talk about it and to whom I could turn. I was in danger of ending up in prostitution, but that didn’t happen luckily. Other people’s support and my belief in Jesus Christ helped to give me strength in the end.”
Robbed of everythingZohra kept her story to herself for years. She now tells of how she was raped by her cousin in Morocco when she was five:
“I was staying with my aunt and my cousin was looking after me. That day is engraved on my memory – he robbed me of everything. My aunt caught us. She said she’d deny everything if I told my parents. Nobody would believe me. I lost trust in everything. You’re damaged by sexual abuse, but I’ve learned that you can recover.”
Kristina Aamand arbeider ved et krisesenter i Danmark, der muslimske kvinner er overrepresenterte (som i resten av Nord- og Vest-Europa?). Hun forteller at under opplæringen ble hun fortalt at hun ikke trengte å lære noe om seksuelt misbruk blant muslimer fordi islam forbyr det!
“It goes on in immigrant and native Danish families. It’s just that we never look for it in the Muslim community. When I was being trained, I was told I didn’t need to learn anything about sex abuse in Islamic countries because incest was forbidden by Islam and didn’t happen. That was really naïve. Taboos, secrets, silence, shame and a closed community are almost a recipe for sexual abuse.”
En tidligere undersøkelse fra Nederland viser at halvparten av dem som utsettes for æresrelatert vold er også seksuelt misbrukt av slektninger. De fleste ofrene har bakgrunn fra Marokko og Tyrkia. At noen våger å ta bladet fra munnen, kan hjelp andre til å gjøre det samme. Slik har det fungert hos oss enten det har handlet om incest, spiseforstyrrelser eller barn med alkoholiserte foreldre. Æreskodeksen og derav trussel- og fryktkulturen kan imidlertid være en ekstra barriere for å få hull på byllen.